Friday, June 13, 2008

its time to cut the cord....

for all of my 10 readers out there, i apologize for not taking the time to put my heart and soul into this blog. unfortunately, i have gotten too swamped (which is not a bad thing). i am having trouble keeping my head above water. my husband says i have lost it...maybe i have! but i have realized that i need more help. which is why i am about to stop typing and fill out an application to put taylor into childcare...omg, i can't believe i am doing this. i went on a tour of the building yesterday and i started crying! the nice lady looked at me (i was trying to act like i was really excited about the experience as crocodile tears were filling up in my eyes) and she says "sometimes this is the best thing for the mothers who need help letting their children go"...yup, i guess i am that mother. i like having my babysitter help me out and being able to be at home w/ taylor. i do struggle w/ having a professional phone call w/ her screaming bloody murder in the background. so, i am reluctantly signing my kid's life away. i am sure she will be fine...and i will survive too.

14 comments:

andi said...

Oh, Sweetheart...so many of us have been through the same thing. It is the bitter that comes with the sweet of being a mother. The guilt we all feel as soon as our little ones are born can be overwhelming, and we feel it no matter what decisions we make. I think it's hard for fathers to understand, since they don't usually feel that sense of guilt.

The good news is that you'll both be just fine. She will grow and flourish because you are her mother - daycare or not. She will experience new things, and no, not all of them will be great, but most of them will be wonderful.

She will also be able to experience a happy mommy who is well-rounded and satisfied. As she sees this in you, she will grow up wanting it for herself.

Perhaps I'm making it more complicated than it is, but I want you to know that it's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. Follow your 'mommy instincts' and you'll do what's best for all of you.

Good luck and take care.

Courtney said...

While I can't say I know how you're feeling (no children as of yet...), I can say that I think this will be such a milestone for you both! I'm thinking of you and sending lots of happiness your way.

kate (pm) said...

me, too. I'm sending lots of happiness and support your way!

kate (pm) said...

me, too. I'm sending lots of happiness and support your way!

The Lil Bee said...

I don't have children yet, but I imagine that is a very tough decision. Give yourself a break though. Also, maybe you have 11 readers ;)

Petunia Face said...

Oh dear. My daughter has been in daycare a few days a week since she was 5 months old. I know how it hurts and also how very much it helps--it helps you breathe and it helps your child's socialization skills.

But I'm not going to lie--it hurts.

Mykl said...

???!!!!
Are there really only 10 of us?
No wonder the signal to noise ratio is so high!!
Don't sweat the childcare - it is good to start socializing at an early age, because it helps to build the EQ necessary for success in the modern world of people.

Anonymous said...

It will be fine. This is your first. next time around you'll have that baby signed up before it's born. Honest...it's going to do you both good!

Louisa said...

I don't have children yet but I'm 100% certain that if I did I would definitely be sniffling (or...hmm.. openly crying...) as I walked the halls of a potential day care (or school). You'll both be fine!
And, make that 12 readers! :)

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. My twenty month old daughter started day care when I had to return back to work full time after a four month maternity leave. Petunia Face has it right. The first week is going to be really tough -- more for you than for your daughter. But in time, you'll both be great. She's going to thrive and be thrilled to be around other kids, and you're going to get some much needed relief. Good luck!!

Sarah's Fab Day said...

I feel for you...when I went back to work after my first child anytime anyone asked about him my eyes would well up with tears. The second one was a bit easier but I have to admit having that little bit of time all to myself even if it is at work is sometimes a perfect recharger to be even more in the moment with your kids when you get home.

pve design said...

My twins are 15 and in a few fast years will be leaving the nest for college. It is so amazing to see how they spread their wings, flap, flutter and fly! You will be amazed at how happy you will be to re-unite with your little one. Please tell your husband that you have not "lost it"- Truly, men shall never understand.
Clearly, he would be lost with out you and that darling girl.

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